Reply to Non-monogamy: dealbreaker? or am I being close-minded?

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Reply to "Non-monogamy: dealbreaker? or am I being close-minded?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm just stumped by the "I love you"s. Do you both really mean it? I wouldn't be there unless there was some sort of commitment to being exclusive and you genuinely feel it.[/quote]

OP again. This is the issue! I mean it when I tell him "I love you," and have no problem committing to monogamy at this stage: we're way past the period of just trying to figure out if we get along, if there's chemistry and all that. We have very intense conversations, both in person and by text. We've supported each other emotionally through some hard things (fall out from our divorces, deaths/illnesses of parents, grown kids with their own issues, etc). That doesn't mean I feel 100% like, "You're the one!" but it definitely means I am up for seeing where it goes.

He says "I love you" and I believe he means it, too. But the question is what it means to him! To him it means he cares about me, wants to spend time with me, can picture us happily continuing to have sex and spend extended periods of time together as lovers far into the future, maybe always-- he wants to plan some travel together next year, for instance-- but he isn't sure he is willing to say, [b]"and I definitely won't be hooking up with other women."[/b]
[/quote]

If the bolded is important to you, and it sure seems to be, poly isn't a good relationship model for you. I love lots of people; I don't need to be exclusive with any of them, and not being monogamous with one person doesn't mean I love them any less.

OP, you seem to equate love with connection in a way that's exclusive. Not all people feel this way. It's not good or bad, it's just compatible or not, and your person seems to be an "or not" at this point. They were honest with you about that.

So either pursue this relationship, knowing it's not exclusive and may never be, or look for someone who's only interested in being with you, exclusively. Do not continue this relationship "hoping he comes around" to your way of seeing things. It's unfair, and a recipe for conflict and heartbreak.[/quote]

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