Reply to Non-monogamy: dealbreaker? or am I being close-minded?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm just stumped by the "I love you"s. Do you both really mean it? I wouldn't be there unless there was some sort of commitment to being exclusive and you genuinely feel it.[/quote]

OP again. This is the issue! I mean it when I tell him "I love you," and have no problem committing to monogamy at this stage: we're way past the period of just trying to figure out if we get along, if there's chemistry and all that. We have very intense conversations, both in person and by text. We've supported each other emotionally through some hard things (fall out from our divorces, deaths/illnesses of parents, grown kids with their own issues, etc). That doesn't mean I feel 100% like, "You're the one!" but it definitely means I am up for seeing where it goes.

He says "I love you" and I believe he means it, too. But the question is what it means to him! To him it means he cares about me, wants to spend time with me, can picture us happily continuing to have sex and spend extended periods of time together as lovers far into the future, maybe always-- he wants to plan some travel together next year, for instance--[b] but he isn't sure he is willing to say, "and I definitely won't be hooking up with other women[/b]."[/quote]

OP, are you asking for permission to dump him over this?  Because I give you permission to dump him over this.  It's totally normal to expect monogamy from someone who loves you.  He sounds kind of like a loser to me.  I would want a man who is so smitten with me he can't seriously think about other women.  He's simply not as in love with you as you are with him.  It's ok for you to have your boundaries and not be ok with that.[/quote]

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