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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "If you like your husband, what are you doing for Father’s Day?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him. And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.[/quote] Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.[/quote] Such a weird mentality. For starters, neither of you are each other's parent. And then, bean counting kills marriages.[/quote] But if one person does nothing, why shouldn't the other person feel ok with also doing nothing? I'd argue NOT ever paying attention to who is paying all the emotional "beans" results in one partner feeling taken advantage of. I think communicating about what you'd like and doing that together is the best way. That's what we do. But I watch a lot of women feel burned on Mother's day turn around and pamper their spouses for Father's day and then eventually feel emotionally neglected. If the pampering gives you joy, by all means do it. But if it doesn't, and instead leaves you feeling like a martyr, skip it. And then talk about why you skipped it.[/quote] I agree. And it applies to lots of things too. Sometimes men (and some women) are just clueless about what should actually be done, and they are either dumping it onto the other spouse or damaging the relationship by not cultivating love. But other times we are sort of making unnecessary work for ourselves. It's not a matter of bean counting, it's a matter of focusing energy on what matters. [/quote]
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