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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think there’s a solution to fix an ND male and NT female relationship that doesn’t result in bitterness and resentment. Many men are already conditioned to have poor executive functioning skills and they simply lack empathy. When you add a diagnosis and children who are most likely afflicted with the same condition, it’s just too much to handle. You basically have a parentalized relationship versus an equal marriage and there’s nothing less romantic.[/quote]

Not true for me, and I’ve been happily married for twenty years. He hyperfocuses at work and is super productive, and I’m type A and ridiculously organized in the home which is exactly how I like it. Works for us. Don’t generalize.[/quote]

As you know, you can’t drop comments like the above and not specify if you work full time, if you have kids if you have local grandparent or daily Nannie’s/housekeeper. 
[/quote]

The entire post I was replying to was a generalization! That was exactly what I was saying, you can’t generalize. People’s circumstances are different but of course marriages can survive a ND-NT pairing.[/quote]

Sorry I did t catch that. Do you work FT? Do you have kids to raise? Do you have family help or Nanny or housekeepers come multiple times a week?

All we know is you’re Type A, organized, and married to an ADHD male. And that you do everything and only except him to go to work/supply a paycheck/ tag along with what you’ve done in the homefront.

You were replying to the common phenomenon of how male adhd spouses create a Parent/child dynamic in their male where their Nt spouse does everything and merely allows them to “be a good student at work.”
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Oh my gosh.  This is me.  ADHD DH (diagnosed but doesn't really believe it's an "actual thing" and certainly will not consider meds) makes a lot of money working for self.  Hyperfocused when under pressure and can sure pull a rabbit out of a hat.  I am SAHM who, upon recent reflection, has been mothering DH since I met him (organizing, reminding, supporting, etc.)

I have great executive functioning skills and take care of all the details with kids and house down to DH's closet, choosing clothes, provisioning food, toiletries etc.  As kids have gotten older, I have become more annoyed with DH's lack of willingness to learn new habits (i.e. cleaning up after himself) because it sets a bad example for kids, some of whom are also ADHD.  Also, it's depressing to think that I will be picking up after someone for the rest of my life.

Flip side, as stated before, DH makes great money and I don't have to work.  (Wouldn't really work out with the amount of work I have at home.). DH is kind, generous, prioritizes family and is good dad.  DH is also late, lost, unprepared, messy, and has many a constantly revolving door of time-consuming hobbies that provide novel experiences.  We have had house-keeping and babysitting as I felt I needed it.  DH has always been very generous about me having the support I need if we can hire it.

I'm trying to help ADHD kids develop some habits so they can be easier to live with someday.

Is it an ideal situation?  No, but is any long term marriage without its challenges?[/quote]

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