Reply to I miss my ex BFF and she would probably piss on my grave

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just getting this off my chest. A series of misunderstandings led to the end of a long friendship last year. It was the second most important relationship in my life.

I still miss her, even though at least I don’t think about her every day now. It’s like she died.

I know she hates me now and would probably piss on my grave if she had the opportunity. She nearly did. A few months ago I had seizures and nearly died while in another country and I had to use sheer willpower to not fall asleep. I thought about my spouse and the loss of this relationship. [b]I tried to reach out to her after to see if maybe we could start to mend things, but it didn’t go well. 
[/b]
She probably won’t see this, but if she does, she will know it’s her.

I’m sorry for what happened. Hopefully seeing this doesn’t raise your ire.  I know your life is stressful right now, and I wish you the best. I hope you find what you are looking for. [/quote]

Sus. Listen, you don't reach out to try to mend things. You reach out to clean up your side of the mess by taking responsibility, acknowledging wrongdoing, and making a meaningful/appropriate amends. No expectations that you and the other party might reconnect. The only function of a point of connection after a separation/severing of ties is to apologize w/o any pressure for anything else.

If that's truly what you did, and all you did, and it still didn't go well, that's on her. But if you had some sort of "life is short" experience and realized you wanted your friend back and tried to reopen doors she'd closed, you're the @hole. That's really manipulative behavior, even if you don't disclose your near-death experience.

"I recognize that I didn't treat you kindly, and I wanted to apologize for how my words/actions messed with your life." That's all. No "I hope we can be friends" no "I'd like to reconnect" none of that. Someone who walked away from your BS doesn't owe you reconnection.[/quote]

I went through this. Looked back at my life and realized I was a shitty friend to someone who was close to me years ago. Nothing actively, but was not there for her when she needed me, more than once too.

I reached out with only the intent of acknowledging that I was not a good friend and wished I had done better because she deserved that from me.

She responded cheerfully with a current phone number. We spoke a little, caught up and I had hoped we were back on track. Her birthday was shortly after that coversation. I sent a quick note on that day and was warmly received. Left the ball in her court because I didn't want to strong arm my way back into her life. Didn't hear back.

I'd still love to have her in my life, but she'd have to want that too. At this point (and maybe forever) she doesn't want that. I really hope things are good with her.[/quote]

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