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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I relate, 100%. Also East Asian. I didn't find my people in college. I went to grad school. Didn't find my people there either. I went into the work force, utter failure. I can't really tell you when things fell into place because it all happened so slowly and there was a lot of one step forward, two steps back in there. I met my husband. I left the area where my family was and started a new life elsewhere. My son is in private school, turned down a spot at a known "pressure cooker" for one that gets continually dogged on this forum, but my kids are happy, exploring who they are and I'm trying really hard not to have history repeat itself. I honestly feel content now, even though I gave up so much of what I was working towards. [/quote]

OP here. Finally, someone who can relate!

Do you ever feel angry and resentful about how your parents stole your sense of self from you? I know that both of these emotions are unhealthy, but those are all I feel these days. When did these feelings of anger and resentment subside for you? [/quote]

Slowly. Over time. And to be honest, I still feel angry with them. It took a long time to come to terms with the fact that they were emotionally abusive and I had some arrested development because of their insane expectations. I felt they would withhold love if I didn't succeed and what a F--d up way to treat a child. Don't get me wrong, I love them and understand that they felt they were doing what was good for me. I'm also angry and am trying to do better now that I'm a parent.

I did try to find an Asian therapist because I felt so much of my trauma was cultural, but I didn't have good luck with that. I'm (still) hard wired to not displease my Asian elders, so I found myself not being able to be completely vulnerable.

Hang in there, try and be kind and patient to yourself. My sister also suffers from the same issues. You're definitely not alone. [/quote]

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