Reply to Undergoing IVF in a Rocky Marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am having panic attacks about my upcoming embryo transfer. I have waited so long to be a mother and have put up with so much from my husband who...is really immature among other things. We fight all the time and spend a lot of weekends stone walling each other. He has emotional regulation issues and was an alcoholic in the past although no longer. He does not deal with change well and I am anxious about adding a baby to the dynamic.

I want a baby desperately but I want the whole package. I want a wonderful warm home, financial stability, a mature, kind, emotionally stable husband and father who will be my rock and a good role model for our child.

I just don't feel like i can have it all as I am in my late thirties. I just want to cry with this stress! [/quote]

Well… you kind of match each other, no? He “does not deal with change well” and “has emotional regulation issues”. And you have anxiety and panic attacks and “want to cry”. You BOTH fight with each other. 
Maybe his wish is to have a wonderful, warm, mature, kind woman too. But I do not think he has a chance since you are determined to have a baby with him since you are getting older. [/quote]

PP. IVF is incredibly expensive and stressful.  It creates feelings of failure in both parties.  Babies are a lot of work and they can make a marriage worse but not always.  It's not magical thinking to take a chance that things could get better.  I am the person who mentioned a "dice roll" above.

People with broken "pickers" don't always guess right the second time either.

There is value in fixing the marriage you have.

A person who has overcome active alcoholism may also be able to work on improving the marriage with OP.[/quote]

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