Reply to Rant: “you look amazing”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.[/quote]

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.[/quote]

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.[/quote]

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.[/quote]

Her needs ARE unreasonable when directed at casual "you look great" interactions. The neighbor you encounter at the pool is not obliged to be your psychologist, and is just looking to have a mild, friendly interaction. If OP is having a heart-to-heart with her best friend or her DH, then it might be appropriate for her to unpeel her stinky onion, but leveling these how-dare-you accusations at acquaintances who failed to properly read OP's mind is ridiculous. Save the venom for people who actually intended to do something mean, rather than people who intended to be kind.[/quote]

WHY is some neighbor at the pool commenting on the postpartum body of someone who just had a kid?! I mean, jfc, it is not too much to ask people to just refrain from making assessments on your body. It's none of her business. How about "Oh hey, good to see you! How is the new baby? That's wonderful, congratulations. Ok, well enjoy the pool. See you around!" Why does the state of OP's body need to be raised at all?

The point is that no assessment needs to be made about OP's (or any woman's body) at all. Sure, people might notice she lost the baby weight, or even think she's looking well for having had a baby recently. That is a *private observation* you do not need to vocalize. You want to pay a compliment? Say "that is a cute bathing suit" or "I like your shoes." You do not need to remind a woman that everyone is looking at her body and comparing it to the way it looks a few months ago and the way it looked a year ago and drawing conclusions about her health and fitness based on those assessments.

You get men don't have to deal with this, right? No one walked up to my husband when our kid was a baby to tell him in a congratulatory voice, "oh man, you are looking really amazing, dude. Good job. I would never have thought looking at you that your wife just had a baby." That is some condescending BS right there.

Other people's bodies are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.[/quote]

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