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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.[/quote]

I am OP, and I didn't come here to troll people. I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I do think you are right- my SIL is not an anomaly, and it does seem to me, especially now, that many of the people on here are cut from the same cloth as she is. It's also funny that those accusing me of trolling take personal shots at me, thereby trolling me! [/quote]

If you aren't a troll, can you just take a look at all of the examples that you wrote out?  All of the things that you claims she does are self serving and obnoxious [b]if she talks about her choices as if they are the best or only ones[/b]  (eg sending your kid to private school is fine; saying that private school is universally "best" or "better" is just factually not true).  Do you really need to crowdsource to confirm that someone who makes unnuanced assertions that all of her choices are the best is 1) a jerk and/or 2) not very smart/ capable of parsing out the fact that different people make choices for different reasons?[/quote]

Well, I didn't know I was "crowdsourcing". This is a free internet forum. How can I crowdsource when I don't know who anyone is? I was blowing off some steam. Sorry that bothers you, but I have an idea- how about if you just don't read the thread any longer?  [/quote]

OP I get it. I don't know why people are responding like this (unless they are sensitive about these criticisms because they see some of themselves in your SIL).

People who are both very privileged and very judgmental are exhausting. That's it. I say that as a pretty privileged person myself. But especially when it comes to parenting, I try to start from a place of empathy. That's not always easy but I try to remind myself that I'm not a perfect parent or person and I certainly hope others will give me some grace when I don't get it right, so I try to offer that to others. People who don't get this are a drag on everyone because they just amp up the stress.

I totally understand why this would drive you crazy, and the fact that it's a family member and therefore not someone you can totally avoid makes it extra hard. I would assume her behavior comes from very deeply buried insecurity and try to have empathy for her even when she's behaving horribly. Also just learn to recognize when her judgment/condescension is triggering your insecurities (we all have them) and forgive yourself for feeling injured by it. You are human (so is she, even if she likes to pretend otherwise).[/quote]

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