Reply to Equitable/reasonable division of care among siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, can you talk to the other sibling? They might think the Helpful Sibling is doing too much, taking on too much, stepped in when it wasn't 100% needed. Some siblings want to step in more than others at early stages.[/quote]

Yes, everyone has talked with the unhelpful sibling—as a group, and individually.

Nobody stepped in too early/when help wasn’t needed.

The most helpful sibling isn’t controlling or doing anything that isn’t necessary.

I guess we are just stumped as to how the unhelpful sibling can justify leaving the work to the rest of us. I’m trying to get them involved and to realize they might be cut out from the family. At some point I won’t be able to fix things for the unhelpful one. I’m sad that the kids/cousins will be impacted by this. [/quote]

If you don’t want to do the work, then don’t.  No one is forcing you to.  Threatening to “cut them from the family” just makes you a bunch of bullies.  [/quote]

This is really impossible to do unless you are completely heartless. I am the closest sibling and when I get called by the assisted living our mother called and is in the ER it’s tough to ignore. It’s also tough to ignore when  the old person  can’t see because they broke their glasses and need to go to the optometrist, they need to update hearing aids, pharmacy calls about medication, when it’s their birthday and they want you to visit,, etc.

One sibling does nothing. [b]He lives an hour plane ride away[/b] and has not visited once in 4 years. He doesn’t bring[b] his tween aged kids[/b] to visit either. He doesn’t help out in any way. He has the money to fly in the morning rent a car visit his mother and fly home that night. [b]I am so resentfu[/b]l that I no longer wish to have any relationship with him, his wife or kids.  [b]It is completely unfair that I got stuck with our mother when I was never close to her.[/b] He used to tell her she could live with him. She has Alzheimer’s and now his kids will never know their grandmother. Meanwhile [b]my teens and husband pick up the slack.[/b]

So what are you talking about that people like me are bullies?  People who let a sibling do all the work are the selfish a-holes. [/quote]

He lives an hour by plane and has a wife and kids.   It is unreasonable to expect him to do all this "drop everything and go" attending to your mother that you CHOOSE to do.
Yes, you are a bully.     You are resentful and now you bully your husband and kids into "picking up the slack."     This is on you.[/quote]

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