Reply to 13yo sleepover without meeting the parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a no from me,

I understand everything will probably be fine OP- but go ahead and call the mom. Speak to her. I hate talking on the phone myself, but you have to got to elevate this beyond text.[/quote]

How do you casually work this series of questions into the conversation
Do you own a gun?
Is your husband on the sex offenders list?
Any creepy uncles or other house guests?[/quote]

"Thank you so much, this is so nice of you. I hope it's ok, just for my peace of mind- who will be home? where will the girls be sleeping? do you have any pets? Just wanted to check with you also- alcohol, weapons?" If you get a vibe you can throw in a comment like "Sorry don't mean to be over the top, but I've heard of some incidents" or whatever.

Also speak to your DD and tell her how to be smart and aware and safe.

And you don't have to be casual. These are fair questions. You don't have to be rude, it's just a conversation.[/quote]

I've never understood the point of asking these questions.  The parents you need to worry about wouldn't ever admit to having alcohol out for the kids to sneak or guns that weren't properly stored.  They're not hooked up to a lie detector.  It makes you feel better to ask, but doesn't change the underlying safety risk at all.[/quote]

I go back and forth on this. It's true the most irresponsible parents will lie, but honestly, the worst of these probably wouldn't even take your call at all. Some will talk to you but just roll their eyes and tell you it's all fine. And others will get offended.

Still, the alcohol question can be helpful since many "good" middle school parents of "good" kids forget that when tweens and teens get together and are in the giddy atmosphere of a sleepover, judgement flies out the window and risk taking increases. All it takes is one kid to say "hey, where do your parents keep alcohol?" And even if they others don't want to drink they may not be brave enough in the moment to be the kid to say "hey guys, that's not cool."

Asking the question might make the parent think about making alcohol less accessible, even if they believe their kid "would never do that."[/quote]

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