Reply to sister not pulling weight during family weekends -- what would you do?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "sister not pulling weight during family weekends -- what would you do? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm on your side, although I can see my way to empathizing with your sister.

I'm a nuclear-grade introvert.  Love having other peoples' kids around, but there is a limit, and god help everyone if my switch gets flipped.  It takes me an absurd amount of time to recover if I'm overloaded, and the demands of a little kid put me in a place, even with breaks, even with plenty of help, of just not wanting to be there.

Here's the thing, though.  It doesn't matter.  It's my issue.  I still have to carry my weight in a group setting.  I still have to pull it together and be present for my kid, and I need to *practice* being able to function even when what I really need is a complete weekend of zero human contact.  More importantly, I've learned that isolating myself in the same space - ignoring everyone - doesn't work.  It hurts others without replenishing me.

I don't know whether that's your sister's situation, but I recognize the behavior.   If she's got a boyfriend, she's maintaining that relationship on her kids-away nights, and that's not refilling the well, but that's her choice.

She has to step up.  It's OK if she's more casual and less involved or attentive, as long as the kids' real needs are met and they are safe.   And maybe it's OK if it's not all that even - if you're temperamentally different and it's not a big deal to you, and doesn't need to be 50/50, that's up to you.  But she can't just impose without asking and appreciating and doing something to help that works for everyone.

Also, sometimes behavior like this is a way of precipitating conflict to clear the air.  It sounds as though open, functional communication is not a family specialty, and some people only know how to speak the truth when they're yelling.  Is that her deal?  Is flipping out the only time she honestly expresses needs and feelings?  If so, the whole family needs to retrain.  Might as well start now so the kids grow up knowing better.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics