Reply to Is it too late for me to ever feel taken care of?

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[quote=Anonymous]Op:  I had non-emotional parents and picked a non-emotional DH.  Now, in my 50s, I actually do see the parallel between why I picked the DH that I did... his non-emotional side felt familiar.  He has gotten even more stoic as he has gotten older.   I wish he was more tender and emotional.

That said, I try to appreciate the things DH does to show love.  For example, taking my car in and sitting and waiting while they change the tires instead of making me do that.  He truly sees that as love.  I try to really lean into the feeling of receiving that as love, even though it's not a natural way to feel love for me.  Also, have as much sex as you can.  DH is pretty non-emotional during sex, as in regular life, but it still makes me feel closer to him.

As far as friends... What exactly do you need to feel taken care of?  Try to be specific with yourself about what you need, and become more of a taker, which is slightly different than being an asker... like if you need more emotional support, just start calling and texting your friends more, rather than saying hey, I'm going through a tough time, can we talk more.  Just call them more yourself.  Also, don't think you need to get everything from one friend.  Divide and conquer... different friends can fill different caretaking needs.

I believe in karma.  What you give to the universe, the universe will return.  Be open to this concept and to noticing the moments of goodness.

Allow yourself bad days.  I find myself sometimes feeling jealous when I come across someone who has so much in this area, and is either totally unaware, totally ungrateful, or both.  I try to be accepting, but it's hard.  I have one particular relative who is just a huge taker.  Her parents and siblings basically dote on her and still take care of her into her 50s in a way no one ever did for me.  She is just so, so ungrateful, it really bothers me to my core.  The downside for her is that she's never evolved into a true "adult" and generally lived a very small, closed off life.  I've just accepted that its tough for me to be around her, so I try to avoid her as much as I can.    [/quote]

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