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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you think of people as winners and losers, you are setting yourself and your kids up for strife. Imagine growing up knowing that if you do not cross some imaginary line, your parents will think you're a "loser"? Would this be motivating to you? Would it stress you out? How would it impact your relationship with your parents? Really think about this.

I think the best approach is to meet your kids where they are, provide support and encouragement for them to reach their potential, but also be accepting and make sure they know you love them no matter what. With this approach, you might wind up with a super successful kid who skyrockets to the top of their field. Some people simply have intrinsic motivation for this and if you are supportive and encouraging, who knows where they might take it. But this approach also guarantees that if your kid does not have the skills or drive to be that kind of superstar, they might also wind up a perfectly respectable, self-sufficient adult who likes themselves and is well-adjusted and treats others well.

Parent your kid so that excellence is possible, but they still get to be happy, productive people even if it's not achieved.[/quote]

Acting like a "loser", in your parlance, OP, would be being disappointed in your kid, and making that publicly known.  Or feeling like a loser yourself, and taking it out on your kid (or anyone, really).

Ask yourself what makes you feel like a loser?  Is there anything you can do to change it?  Is it your spouse?  Can you leave them?  Do you really want to be with someone that thinks of you that way, or makes you think of yourself that way?   Why?  Which parent made you feel that way? Who do you compare yourself to?  Are you the black sheep of the family (there was a thread on this a few months back)?  Were you made to feel like less than?  Did your sibling go to the best schools, and you not so much? Do you find it hard to live and cope with your failings? Why are your coping mechanisms so bad? Start there.  Ask and answer the really most difficult questions about yourself, OP.

Your kid had no choice in who their parents are, but you have a choice if you stay in an abusive marriage.  A spouse that makes you feel bad about yourself is not only not a good spouse, they are a terrible person. [/quote]

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