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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dad here. I find the list incredibly insulting.

Granted, my wife works longer hours than I do, and as a result I probably do more than most fathers, but still:

“If I experience any stress at all while my partner is recovering from giving birth, people will tell her to do more for me. No one will ever tell me to do more for her, no matter how much she does or how little I do.” This is just arrant nonsense…[/quote]

When I gave birth, my DH was uncomfortable at the hospital and pressured me to leave a day earlier than I had to because HE wanted to be home. I pushed back at first but I was exhausted from, you know, giving birth to a human being and immediately learning to breastfeed and having several additional medical procedures, so I finally gave in. And no one around me spoke up to say "Hey, a$$hole, your comfort is not actually paramount right now -- you could probably suck it up and spend one more night in the hospital so that your wife who is literally bleeding and in pain from having given birth to your child can get the care she needs."

When we were home with the baby, my DH had a 6 week paternity leave. During this leave, he went to the gym every single day (because he said he felt to antsy and cooped up if he didn't "get out") but when I pointed out that I was not having trouble finding time to shower every day, he immediately got defensive and said that was my fault for not prioritizing it and making arrangements for him to "cover" with the baby. It never occurred to him that the only reason he was able to go to the gym is that he took for granted that I would care for our newborn when he went, without being asked or instructed on it. I still remember the very first time I left the house without my baby, to go pick up take out for the family. I don't think I realized how tethered I'd been to her until the moment I was in a car, by myself. My DH never had that experience, not once.

My DH is considered a "good guy" and a "good dad" by most people, and he gets praised a lot for being an involved father. This is the tip of the iceberg in terms of the way our lives are deeply unequal and he seems fairly oblivious to it.

It is not nonsense.[/quote]

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