Reply to Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.[/quote]

[b]Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. [/b]His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.[/quote]

this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.[/quote]

I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck. [/quote]

As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.[/quote]

Beneath may not have been the best choice of words but he has always been in accelerated classes and that's where he sees himself. [b]He is in a new school this year with new peers[/b] which has likely not been helpful either. Lots of new opportunities but lots of new stresses also. But yes I do agree that I have to figure out how to help him more.
[/quote]

Maybe before he was a big fish in a small pond, but now he's in a big pond and there are a lot more kids in the mix so he's not the academic stand-out like he was before?  [/quote]

Yes. 100%. It has been a very big change.[/quote]

Take this as the blessing that it is. Right now he is freezing because he's in a doom loop of thinking that now matter how hard he works, he won't be the straight A kid because there are people in the class that can do it faster and better than him. He needs to step out of that and focus on himself, not others, and focus on how he can control the situation. What can he do to make things better? What adjustments can he make? If he knows that you will love him no matter what, he can hopefully see that this new challenge is also an opportunity to improve himself.[/quote]

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