Reply to Could you be married to someone who had a rock solid personality but not expressive?

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Reply to "Could you be married to someone who had a rock solid personality but not expressive?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've done it for 14 years, so: yes.

It can be hard, especially as someone who is very emotionally available and likes to talk through feelings. It helps to have other outlets for that (friends or, ideally, a therapist when you need one).

But also over the course of our relationship, he has become more capable of expressing emotion. He has also learned that discussing feelings can be beneficial because even people with "rock solid personalities" will encounter challenges in life that require more than just problem solving and bucking up. My DH has lost a parent unexpectedly and also gone through a very challenging period of work, both of which led him to learn to talk a bit more about his feelings and realize that sometimes the only real solution is to talk something through and get your feelings out -- there is no action hat will fix the grief he feels over losing his parent, but he does feel better if he talks about it some, even if that is uncomfortable.

But also be cautious and go in with open eyes. I this is not at all what you envision for yourself in a relationship, maybe look elsewhere. I think I was well suited to this even though I am a very emotionally expressive and available person because I grew up in an emotionally volatile home with highly reactive people, and it was good for me to be with someone who is NOT reactive to create a very steady, enduring connection. Both before and since meeting my husband, I've worked to stay emotionally expressive while no longer being emotionally reactive, and his steadiness is helpful in that regard (and also sometimes frustrating! but mostly helpful). But not everyone will have those same circumstances so I'm not going to say "yes, go for it, it's great!" It has worked out well for me but there are challenges and I think some women would not be able to deal with those challenges because they have different needs or experiences than I do.[/quote]

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