Reply to managing negative emotions about grieving relatives

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[quote=Anonymous]As another parent who has lost a child, I will tell you that the impulse to blame the parents is very strong.  The death of a child is horrifying, and people want to distance themselves and reassure themselves that their own perfect parenting protects them.  If they can’t find a reason why the death was your fault then they look for a reason you are a bad parent, so they can continue to believe that fate doesn’t randomly steal the beloved children of good parents.

So, what you are doing is very understandable, but it’s still an impulse you need to resist.  Your sister’s kid didn’t die because his mother didn’t teach his sibling how to properly apologize.  You bringing that up shoes how you are grasping at straws to protect yourself from the ugly reality that children die.

When someone brings it up tell them they are being nasty and shut it down.  Also, recognize that one comment from one of her apparently many kids a year ago is over, and you need to move past it.[/quote]

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