Reply to sharing care responsibilities with a sibling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. This is OP. I will try one more time, and I promise to stop asking if I am still not making sense to people.

I am not trying to look for ways to outsource (I know how and am doing that to the extent it makes sense). I am not looking for advice on whether or not mom should be doing some of the tasks herself. I want to have a productive conversation with my brother on (1) aligning on the list of things with which mom needs help (and it is ok if my brother thinks she does not need help with many (or any) tasks - that will make his opinion clear to me); and (2) if we agree that there are things mom needs and objectively cannot do herself, how to split them up.

We both help financially, equally overall.  I do not want my brother to think that helping financially is enough. I do not want to be the sole person bearing other care, now or in the future. And I am asking if there is advice on how to have a productive conversation. Thank you so much.

[/quote]

Again, you are not hearing what people are saying. Your brother does not want to have a Big Talk. He does not want to do tasks. He does not want to deal with his mother's problems, nor does he want to deal with his sister's demands for time and attention and "fairness" about what he perceives to be an unnecessary task list.

You cannot make him have a Big Talk with you, nor can you make him be "fair" or do any particular task. And you need to approach him with those realities in mind.[/quote]

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