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[quote=Anonymous]I am a wife. My same-age husband was not eager to have kids although he agreed to have them, he is a good dad, and we have two healthy teen kids.  We put it off a bit too long and then I had trouble getting pregnant with my first.  They were born when I was 37 and 39.

I like the recommendation of pre-marital counseling.  It could really help.  I wanted to say that my husband and I waited too long.  We started trying when I was about 35. As a result, we did have some medical interventions and got close to paying for IUI/IVF.  As many women on this board can tell you...once you're in that fertility treatment world it's costly, depressing, burdensome on your other time commitments, etc.  It's to be avoided if possible.

What I glean from your post is that your partner felt so loved and supported that she started to make other plans to better her life (school).  So it might be really hurtful that your kid-related plans seem to be in direct conflict.  But are they really? I went to a Top 20 MBA school with 30% women and there were mothers of young children and two women had babies during our program.  Now that I've had kids, I understand that it was probably easier to be a mom during school than during a job.  So "no kids during school" is an example of an assumption that can be questioned.

On your end, there are some things you can do as the prospective father.  One is to get yourself cleared for male factor infertility.  The other is to start a savings fund for child care.  Perhaps you and your partner can work out an earlier timeline if you can figure out a "both/and" solution.

Somebody once told me "there's no perfect time to have kids"  and that about sums it up.  I will be recommending to my boys that they consider being earlier to have kids than their parents.  But mainly because of the risk of infertility plus the gain of more lifetime with children in one's family.  I actually don't place much weight on the "old dad" concern you expressed.  From my standpoint, that dividing line is around 50 years old (near 70 when kids graduate from high school).  If you are a sporty type, be moderate so that you don't get overuse injuries and wear yourself out early, and you should be fine.

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