Reply to Instagram posts of huge families

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Instagram posts of huge families"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It certainly is an accomplishment to raise such a large family. If you don't like the content don't click it. It wouldn't be of interest to me, but good for them and apparently some people want to watch it. [/quote]

No, it's not. [/quote]

It is definitely an accomplishment to raise a large family, provided they are all well-cared for. I sure as hell couldn't do it. [/quote]

It's the well cared for bit that is a huge caveat. All the families I know with 5 or more kids have multiple kids who I do not consider well cared for. Older children who were turned into mini adults at age 8 to help care for younger kids, and whose education, socialization, and sometimes even health were neglected. Special needs going undiagnosed. Many health issues that smaller families would deal with going ignored -- even if you have a decent amount of money or low COL, braces for 5 or more kids might be out of your budget, especially if you've got kids starting college (assuming they even get to go) or kids in diapers when this is happening.

These families get lulled into thinking they've figured out the financial piece because they have a SAHM so they're like "we're home free! no childcare costs!" and they often don't consider all the many, many costs that most kids incur as they get older.

I also think often kids are emotionally neglected as well. One thing that happens in huge families is that there will be a few kids who kind of rise to the top because they do well without a ton of support. Then one or two problem kids whose issues require a lot of focus (behavioral issues at school, or significant special needs). Then all the kids who don't fall into those two categories get ignored.

I know of four families like this within my extended family, and of them, three are absolutely damaging their kids. The last one seems to be doing well, but if you ask those kids in 20 years, I bet some would say the big family was awesome and at least one would say it ruined their life.

As a parent, you are only as successful as our kid who struggles the most. Huge families almost always have at least one kid who struggles a lot.[/quote]

I mean… it’s been my experience observing small families of 1-2 kids that there are often kids who fail to thrive as adults or as children, special needs are neglected, etc. it’s not at all true that all big families have these problems, and if they have a kid or two who has problems…. how is it attributable to their family size? I find this especially strange post in light of all the research coming out on the harmful effects of helicopter parenting.  [/quote]

PP here. Sure, there are kids in smaller families who get neglected, too, or simply have bad parents. No one said otherwise. I don't think the key to raising kids well is to only have two or something. A lot goes into it.

I know families with 4 or 5 kids who are amazing, wonderful parents who really do meet all those kids needs. And I do think that in those specific families, there's also a benefit to the size of the family -- if you can successfully raise 5 kids to be functional adults, then you've also gifted all five or your kids with 4 siblings who are functional adults. That's wonderful. I'm not against large families on principle.

But assuming two loving parents with decent parenting skills (so not anxious helicopter parents and not abusive or intentionally neglectful), bast 4 or 5 kids, you still run a high likelihood of just kind of accidentally neglecting a kid. Or unintentionally leaning harder on your older kids to help you parent. You can rationalize it and say it's good for them, but it's not good for all kids.

When you talk to people who grew up in really big families (I am one), you get a broad range of reviews. Some kids really thrive in this environment. Often these kids who probably would have done well with a smaller family too, but a big family gave them opportunities for independence and leadership they might not have otherwise gotten. That's nice for them. But you will absolutely also meet a lot of people who basically feel robbed of a childhood. Who grow up to be people pleasers and then have to unlearn all these bad habits from childhood when they trained themselves to simply have no needs because they knew they wouldn't get met. Often kids from huge families have strange misconceptions about themselves -- that they aren't smart (because another sibling was the smart one) or they are a troublemaker (because they were a high needs kid in a family that needed a low needs kid). Large families also often create their own mythos, this idea about how the world works based on the bubble they've created, and often kids from large families struggle socially because that bubble doesn't have much to do with the rest of the world. There's just a ton of pitfalls, way more than there are with smaller families. Even amazing parents can screw up when given enough opportunities to do so, and the more kids you have, the more chances you have to really step in it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics