Reply to How to be married to an extreme avoidant?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to be married to an extreme avoidant?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm trying to understand the dynamic and what is meant by "avoidant"? Can you give an example?

Given the folks telling you to leave, I think I'm not understanding how serious the issue is? [/quote]

Op here. A recent example-I had been encouraging DH to see a doctor for months to get a physical to see if depression/low T might be a factor.

I scheduled a doctors appointment for him at a time he said worked. He went to the appointment and I asked him how it went when he got back and he gave me a generic response.

A couple months later, I was trying to track down the receipt to submit to our HSA for reimbursement. DH cannot find it. I call the doctors office. He never went to the appointment. He no showed.

I go back to DH to ask him what happened?? He says he went to the doc and doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Then when I insist he gives me a vague word salad non answer.

In this example, he’s anxious about going to the doc. But he knew I’d be upset if he didn’t go, so instead of telling  he didn’t want to, he pretended to go. Then when I caught him in the lie, instead of just owning it, he added more lies and deflection to avoid me being mad at him.

Basically it’s just never addressing anything head on.[/quote]

If he'd said he didn't want to go and didn't want to answer questions about it or discuss it further, how would you have responded?

Ideally positive encouragement from you that you and the kids love him and want him to feel his best would get him off the fence, but it needs to be his choice. [/quote]

Op here. Yeah, I’ve done the positive encouragement thing. But at a certain point it becomes enablement of delusion when they are completely neglecting their health. This would have been the first time he went to the doctor in many years. Everyone assumes I’m a shrew and a nag. I’m not.

Anyway, my question is what strategies are there to be married to someone like this? I can’t bail on my kids and leave them with DH so it is what it is until they are older.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics