Reply to DH says his success is my success

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[quote=Anonymous]What strikes me about most of these responses is that people's reaction is always coming from their own reality. Other wealthy SAHMs (who are happy) say I'm happy, OP should be happy too. WOHMs say count your blessings, look how hard I have to work. We're unable to see past our own situations to look down from 1000 feet and see the commonality: the tradeoff of raising children and having professional ambition, a point of tension most men never have to confront, and some don't even see.

Here's another perspective: I'm a SMBC and at the top of my career, can make my own hours now (so much that DD sometimes forgets I have a job outside the home), but I've felt subtle (and sometimes blatant) judgement of other women when I attend events unpartnered. I see their eyes go to my L ring finger, I've been asked questions about an ex that doesn't exist. The curiosity varies from benign to invasive. I never wanted to get married so I don't feel a loss; more of a curiosity at the pressure that I should feel one at all. I love being a parent, I love working and am good at it. And still, in the eyes of many other women, I don't measure up.

So what does it mean to succeed? What makes one excited to attend the college reunion and feel proud of their life? I'm not sure either, as in my case, professional and parenting success often feels insufficient, without a man, real or imagined, existing in the background. Where I've landed is that the pressure many of us feel to hit all the marks is real, even now, in 2024, and boy do those marks vary for all of us. Becoming comfortable with that idea took me a long time, but I'm finally there. OP I hope you get there too.

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