Reply to So annoyed about DH’s inability to follow through on anything

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[quote=Anonymous]It’s definitely not ok to tell him not to come home. That’s way over the line. But I hear you on the frustration of trying to balance not just doing everything yourself and not nagging. People on here will say all the time you have to let them fail or you have to make them deal with the consequences or let them fit their own way. And some things that is fine. My husband just never makes appointments for himself and goes years without a physical or runs out of contacts, clean clothes, whatever. But stuff for the kids and house is harder. I can’t count the number of times he’s said he would do something, then not done it and not done it until I finally do it. And so I’ve put in the same effort but gotten a worse result be the option I actually wanted is no longer available or the kids appointments are now 4 months off schedule or whatever.

The thing that REALLY pisses me off though is that he will give ME a hard time about not researching enough or not “thinking enough” about decisions. When I am dealing with 90 percent of the actual logistics he has time to ruminate over and over the one or two big decisions I can’t make without him. And so we just don’t make those decisions (we similarly have a renovation that is completely stalled despite a bunch of money already sunk) or I end up having to push through some major argument to get him to make a decision.

I do think he has ADHD (we also had a child diagnosed not long ago who was really eye opening) but I think it’s also anxiety. It’s hard to make a choice that isn’t “perfect”. His mom is the same way and it drives him crazy but he doesn’t see the irony there. I try to let it go because I’m not perfect either but occasionally we have these periods where he’s going in circles and holding up something important and I feel like I am going to lose it![/quote]

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