Reply to Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]An issue no one has mentioned is making it work for you, versus making it work for your kids. 3 kids plus two demanding jobs means less parental time and attention per kid. This is one reason people get nannies or have grandparents heavily involved. Unlike daycare workers or teachers, these are caretakers who can become parental stand ins and develop longer term, emotionally supportive relationships with kids.

Take some time to think about what the experience of each of your kids would be with a third child. Not just "how will they handle a sibling?" but also "how will this impact my relationship with each of them?" And "what will I not have time for and who will we bring in to have time for it?" Your kids each have real needs beyond simply being housed and fed and kept from danger. These needs increase as they get older-- they will need to develop a sense of self, skills for regulating emotions, social skills, academic abilities, etc. Some kids seem to develop this stuff by osmosis. Some don't. Assume at least one or two of your kids will need more support than average for this. Where will that support come from?

It's easy, especially when kids are small, to think this is just about the logistics of childcare. It's not-- that phase is actually short lived. It's the emotional availability piece that is hardest. Two adults with a lot in their plate professionally are unlikely to be able to meet the needs of three kids on their own, unless they get very lucky in terms of disposition with those kids. Assume you won't get lucky in that way.[/quote]

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