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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What else has he done and what have been the consequences?

It's difficult to answer without knowing this.

For now, you can say, "In this family, we treat each other with kindness. This was not kind. It was mean and hurtful. I'm upset by your behavior and need to think through calmly about what your consequence will be." [/quote]

In his younger years, we did a lot of natural consequences and he was a real rule follower.

I'm finding natural consequences are tougher now.  What's the natural consequence for someone who talks back to you?  (In that case, I just sent him to his room by saying it seemed like he needed some time on his own.)

A lot of his issues are around his little brother.  At school, teachers love him and he does great.  With me alone, generally, he's been amazing.  It's only been the last couple months where some attitude has seeped in.[/quote]

You need to read and listen to Dr. Becky. She has a podcast, a book, and she has workshops you can pay to attend.  She had a thing on punishments and deeply feelings kids which might be your older child.

Do you favor your younger child?  Be honest with yourself.  If the younger child and older child both fell and cried which would you go to first?

My MiL told my SIL with her second that when the second was a baby and young they wouldn’t remember if they were left to wait 10 extra minutes so mom could say hi to the other child.

I would also recommend taking your older one out just you and him.  Have him pick what he wants to do or give him a couple choices, something just you and him.  Also, if two kids are together let older one pick what they do sometimes as well.  Also praise the older one when they do something good.   Hey older child, it is your choice where we go to breakfast the Diner or Tates?

I find talking to them and listening really helps.  Do this when it’s just you and him.  Who does bedtime for your kids?  Maybe you focus on your oldest bedtime for a bit or if you do the youngest first spend a few minutes when lights are out to ask your oldest if they have anything they want to talk about.  My child tells me so much of what is going on when I stay in the room for 5 minutes after we turn the lights off.

So talk to your kids.  If you need help look into therapists for your older kid.  [/quote]

+1[/quote]

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