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[quote=Anonymous]The ones that work have significant age differences between the kids. So her kids are in ES, and his kids are in college. Completely different life stages, with enough time in between that they are not in competition with who is allowed to do what/who gets what/who pays for what. Also, there’s a lot of estate planning and honest discussions about who gets what when the parents die.

The worst is blending kids the same age. And especially after they are about 7. Before then, they can be raised as siblings. After that, you are opening the door to additional stress and competition of tweens/teens. Depending on the circumstances of their other biological parents:

- custody schedules
- activities (cost but also commitment)
- vacations when school calendars don’t align
- friend groups
- expectations for grades/homework
- screen time
- bullying
- getting a phone
- curfews
- expectations for a PT/summer job
- getting a car
- going to college

Also, as PP said, the best parents of blended families are healed, and have decent relationships with their exes. Unfortunately, a lot of the people who rush into blending 10-14 year olds are doing it because they can’t delay gratification, support themselves (financially or emotionally), or feel the need to “prove” that they are “not the problem”.

Or, maybe one or both has an ex who continues to be a problem and will threaten 100 percent custody or make false allegations against the new parent, just to be vindictive. Those problems destabilize the whole family. It’s not fair, but people in those situations should probably just wait until the kids are out of the house.[/quote]

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