Reply to Evaluating trying for a second child when only child is known to have high needs

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m going to echo what other posters have said about taking a hard look at yourself and your spouse before making this decision. I am anxious and my husband I am now convinced has ADHD. Our oldest has severe ADHD. As far as SNs go I don’t think of ADHD as that life changing compared to others but the combination of my oldest and my husband is really tough. He was able to handle them when he would be 1:1 with a single child but he has a really hard time keeping it together when both kids are fighting and creating chaos. It’s put a lot of strain on our marriage because I just can’t condone the level of yelling that happens sometimes and *he* is the one refusing to get help.

So I would think about if you are going to be able to support your older child the way they need if an infant is screaming in your ear or a toddler is destroying your house. I am forever grateful for my younger child who is a delight but has his own challenges but it’s painful to watch my husband be a much worse father to both of them than when we just had one. And that is with me handling the vast majority of the logistics and some flexibility on money (though not as much as some other people on here).

I will say my child with ADHD got a lot more independent around 9 and our issues now are more about fighting since our age gap is much smaller than yours would be. But since my husband is not willing to make trade offs with work, I think he’d be happier if we only had one child despite being totally on board for having our second. I can’t imagine life without our second and would do anything to have exactly the kids I have. So really you have to decide if you are willing to make whatever hand you have dealt work. [/quote]

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