Reply to Evaluating trying for a second child when only child is known to have high needs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have one kid with ASD1 who is 5yo. She is doing really well now, though there was a period between age 2 and 4 that was really hard.

DH knew early on, before DD was born that he probably wouldn't want another. I was more interested in having 2 and definitely wanted another right after DD was born (probably somewhat hormone driven). I eventually accepted that since DH didn't want another and I have fertility issues, that another kid is not in the cards for us.

Now that DD has her ASD diagnosis I realize both DH and I may have some ND traits. Definitely both have issues with executive functioning and anxiety. And that helps me realize that while other families may do fine with 2 kids, we probably would not. Having a young child has been hard on our marriage. I get overwhelmed easily and DH shuts down. Not a good combo. It is so much better now that DD is older, and I think another baby would just be really hard. I have learned to appreciate what we have and stop feeling like we "should" have had another.[/quote]

Adding that the financial benefits of having one versus more children are huge. I feel like DH and I worry about money less than friends who have higher HHIs but more children. We can pay for private therapies without financial stress (thankfully DDs therapy needs are relatively low). We can go on decent vacations.

Also the time. Our friends with more kids have a lot of activities to manage. We have a much more relaxed schedule despite probably overscheduling our one kid, which means we have the bandwidth to host our friends, and it's really fun.[/quote]

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