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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spend that money on a hobby. Get him out of the house more. If he’s still walking you’re doing well, keep it that way. [/quote]

He's barely walking - can only stand for a couple of minutes. His hobbies are attending theater, watching the History Channel, watching CNN and complaining about Trump. He also goes out to restaurants with my stepmom and their small group of friends. He goes to church with my stepmom but won't join "groups" - was never his thing. He was a lifelong boater on the Great Lakes but had to sell their boat a couple of years ago due to his health issues. It is what it is - he's not going to develop a new hobby at this stage of his life.

[b]Ultimately since my stepmom controls access and will be the one that has to deal with the consequences it's her decision along with my dad.[/quote][/b]

I don’t mean to be personal, but this sounds like co-dependency and enabling.

If it’s up to your mother, does she want your opinion?  Did she ask for it!  She may feel very caught between a rock and a hard place. Supporting her in a decision to hold the line could be important if that’s what she decides.

Alcoholics Anonymous is controversial on DCUM, but it is free, available in multiple Zoom meetings globally, and many people find it enlightening and fun. Even the precept that a person needs “a desire to stop drinking” is flexible at the outset. Especially for a non-joiner, the first time can be scary, but it is genuinely anonymous (you can turn off your Zoom camera and even just listen), and he may well hear things he can identify with that will help him understand. There is a difference between being “dry” like he is now, and in recovery.  And if AA’s not the thing there are other programs. [/quote]

This is a petpeeve of mine but I've said "stepmom" in each of my posts and respondents keep saying "mom". My dad will absolutely not go to an AA meeting - doesn't believe he has/had a drinking problem. Yes - my stepmom has enabled this for years and was in deep denial. While he was hospitalized this summer my brother and I learned for the first time how much he was drinking and how much she was buying. She really believed because she left bottles of wine in the trunk of the car in the garage, instead of bringing it into the house, she was somehow helping him moderate the drinking. [/quote]

You are considering actively joining the enabling, OP.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-enabling-an-alcoholic-63083

Offer to attend Zoom Al Anon meetings with stepmom. Bro can join too, the beauty of the interwebs. ACOA meetings for you and your brother would be very beneficial.

And contact his doctor and convey that he is a long term alcoholic now sober so he is not enabling out of ignorance. I'd consult with an addiction medicine doctor as well. [/quote]

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