Reply to It's BAD..I don't want it anymore!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. For clarity...it has not always been like this. When we moved in together intimacy was nothing like it is now. I have spoken with him also, and I am met with promises to do better and that he is still attracted to me. Outside the bedroom he tells me I am so sexy, and even says things he wants to do with me, and then they just never happen...

I am divorced and yes, I am sorry my child has to be exposed to a break up. I won't live with a man again! That's for sure[/quote]

It sounds like maybe additional communication ASAP is needed. You've talked with him, which is good, but have you followed up with what you say to us, above? "Outside the bedroom you tell me I'm sexy. You describe things you want to do with me--specific acts! But they never happen. Let's talk about it." Has he: Been through any kind of stressor like a job/career change, family issues with his parents/siblings/exes, other stressors he might not be revealing to you? Have you noticed any changes to his habits or health, is he exercising less, take less interest in things which once interested him? (That last one can be a sign of depression; in men, depression does not always look like "the blues" BTW). Have you asked him why he thinks there's a change in your sex lives? Just asking him to do better or his saying he'll do better aren't enough; getting to "why" matters if you and he love and want to please each other. But he may not be able to figure that out on his own, without your helping him see if the change in sex is due to some bigger picture issue.

I know you're already getting the expected "Just leave" "end it now" posts here. If the relationship were 100 percent just about sex, well, leave. But if you live together, you do love each other, have things in common, have built a life based on more than sex--right? Don't trash that instantly as a knee-jerk reaction to sexual issues [b](though DCUM loves to tell people that sex is everything, and we should instantly dump even a committed relationship if sex isn't ideal).[\b] He may need a complete physical including bloodwork (my own DH had a thyroid issue, easily treatable, that affected his health and his drive). He may need you to be really blunt. He may need to hear, "DD is out--I know it's 3 in the afternoon, but let's go at least make out and see if we end up having sex." He and you may need to try having sex at different times, even in different places, etc. It's worth working on, if you have a relationship that is otherwise positive. [/quote]
To be clear: she should leave him because he is unemployed, pays no bills, is living in her house off of her hard work, and also (unlike a gigolo who might, at the very least, be expected to perform) using her for pitiful, lazy sex.[/quote]

OP here. I didn't want to face this reality...mainly because it is so hurtful, especially when I feel like I have been an excellent partner. He just is not willing to put in the effort on anything anymore, and I can't do it all myself. I don't deserve that, and my child doesn't either. Thank you for the reality check![/quote]

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