Reply to what if having kids is actually a huge drag?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kids are amazing.  You have to open up completely to them, and that mediates a lot of the boredom and isolation.  I made so many mistakes with this, not understanding why some days were so much better than others.  It was *all* about me and my expectations and unresolved selfishness.  It gets so much easier and more pleasurable when you just let go and dive in to what the kid is learning and becoming.

[b]A lot of the drudgery isn't about having kids at all.  It's about having kids in an isolated nuclear family without adequate social and practical support.  That shit is destructive and it is not a joke.  The difference when there are enough people around to relieve loneliness, keep the kids happy and occupied, and share the household work is night and day.  [/b]

After making your marriage as solid as you can, the single most important thing you can do for family happiness is to develop a reliable, resilient, giving and accepting social group who will spend real time with you and enjoy your family life.  The self-centered, high-maintenance ones are a luxury; they can come to your annual party until you have time for them again, if you ever do.  You need the one who comes over, finds you exhausted and starving, looks in your nearly empty fridge, laughs his ass off, and puts a pot of mystery stuff on the stove.  You need the one who takes the baby outside to look at the sky so you can shower and then tells you funny stories until you pee and then lets you shower again.

There's no time for anything that's not the real thing.  [/quote]

This is just a million percent correct, right here.[/quote]

[b]The lack of such a social network (and a rocky marriage) is the reason I did not have a second.

[b]So how does one find friends with work all day and childcare outside of work?  I am so painfully lonely and I am married. [/b]
Sorry to hijack[/quote][/b]

PP, I found that my social network opened up as my daughter became older.  I met the parents of her friends, and we became friendly.  I'm a single mom and still rely upon my core group of girlfriends, most of whom aren't married.

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