Reply to What were the benefits of going on hospice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is in memory care.  When she was still cognizant she’d say the last thing in the world she’d want for herself is to be in a situation where she didn’t know what was going on around her.  And here we are.  I’ve struggled psychologically with her care- do I prolong her horrible quality of life by continuing to have them administer her heart, cholesterol and blood pressure drugs?  Or do I cease these and let the chips fall where they may?

A few months ago she’d taken a turn and the facility called me to tell me, and asked if I wanted them to call an ambulance.  What I didn’t realize [b]they were asking was if it was worth it to treat her[/b].  I opted to have them call, my mom had sepsis and would have met her end that way if we hadn’t intervened.  I still struggle if I made the right choice.  I love her and want the best for her.  It’s so hard to be responsible for decisions that literally impact whether another person will live or die.[/quote]

But it's not a value judgment on her life. This is what so many family members struggle with, and why when I was practicing law I provided free services to clients to prepare living wills and advanced directives.

Sepsis is a relatively quick end compared to lingering for years with advancing Alzheimer's. I don't fault you, poster, and I laud you for talking about the difficult situation you were put in. Your mom should have, while still competent, put in place her own refusal of treatment and DNR directives and the parameters around that choice.

It's a very painful thing as a child or other loved one to be asked to decide the fate of another person in the medical realm. We are already suffering anticipatory grief and just want our loved one healthy again, no matter how much reality tells us this is not an option. For many people it is too much to ask them to make an active decision to ease their loved one out of this life rather than using all medical intervention possible to keep them here, because of course we adore and value them still. But it isn't a value judgment, even though it feels like it.

We are really failing as a society on this issue. [/quote]

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