Reply to Tiger parent's mean comment about my daughter

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Reply to "Tiger parent's mean comment about my daughter"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I’m in a different time zone than the rest of DCUM. It was not 2 am for me.

To clarify—my DD is not on her phone that much, which is partly whey this comment bothers me so much (I can see her screen time). But I’m more upset that he called her dumb and that she doesn’t “do anything” meaning her grades/extracurriculars. First of all, it’s none of his business. Second, he doesn't know my daughter’s grades (excellent) or what activities my daughter is involved in. Third, even if you have these private conversations/comparisons at home, don’t go blabbing it to the person you’re trashing. My DD is working incredibly hard 
 in her junior year, thinking about college, and this must have felt awful to hear this. Honestly, I wouldn’t care if this was some random person, but these are our friends. The husband is outwardly kind/respectful, but very competitive. I don’t want to expose my kids to scenarios and people where they are being judged or called stupid/dumb because of this dad’s college admissions criteria. 
I don’t want to blow up friendships over this but I am upset for my daughter and want to somehow get across that they should leave my daughter out of their gossip. [/quote]

I get where you are coming form but I do think trying to talk to them about it will cause more drama when what you need is less.

I'd focus on talking to your daughter and making it clear to her that you give this assessment exactly 0 credence. Point out to her that it was shared with her second hand by a 14 yr old boy, who I'm sure your DD knows by now is unlikely to be a very reliable narrator. Make sure she knows that you believe in her and would never in a million years call her dumb. And, since she's nearing adulthood, maybe offer the info that this is unlikely to be the last time someone says something cruel and untrue about her behind her back, and one of the best skills she can develop is the ability to shake it off and move on. Even if these are family friends, this guy's opinion of her doesn't matter and may stem from other factors that have nothing to do with your daughter (he was just in a bad mood that day, he overreacted to seeing her on her phone once, he's jealous of your family, he's defensive about his own kids, etc. etc.). This is a good chance for her to learn the difference between criticism you should take to heart, and criticism you should ignore.

As far as your friends, I might just be a bit more circumspect about what I share regarding my kids because if they are very invested in the comparison game, your best bet is to starve it of oxygen rather than trying to play. If you are happy with where your kids are at (and even if you are not) that matters much more than what these people think about it. Model for your daughter what it is to run your own race.[/quote]

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