Reply to I can’t stop being sad about this relationship dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you talked with DH about downsizing? What he say? That sounds like the best option here because you are unlikely to be financially better off or better for your kids divorced as long as he is pulling his weight enough financially that there is not a net loss (or gambling away, addictions). But my guess is that you are not attracted to this less ambitious version of DH any more  - so why move the kids, give up the nice house, and still be married to someone you aren't attracted to anymore? If that rings true for you, explore that more in therapy. What else attracts(ed) you to DH and can you rekindle that? Would you be ok leaving just because you aren't attracted to him anymore?[/quote]

op - this is the crux of it. 
it's actually even less about the money than part of attraction being that someone is somewhat ambitious. doesn't even have to be so financially driven - but just - driven to do something more. 
when we met he had a million things he did and wanted to do and now it's like they're just... gone. [/quote]

Same, OP. When we met, DH was a military officer. I already out-earned him, but he was ambitious and loved his job and between his pay, BAH etc, made a more than solid income. After four years of marriage he decided to retire from the military. Since he put in more than 20 years, he gets a full pension, but it's only about half of his pre-retirement earnings. I assumed he would get another full-time job, since he was only in his mid forties, and he said that was his plan, but... he never did. He had various plans: he was going to go back to school, he was going to start a company, and so on. Started some things, never finished them. He eventually picked up a little consulting work, but even with that, he makes a lot less than he would be making if he had stayed in the military, and much less than if he had a full-time civilian income combined with his military pension. What bugs me most is not that he is making less money, but that he doesn't seem to notice or care that I am still busting my butt at work. So my income pays for 3/4 of our joint expenses, and he sits around most days doing God knows what.

Yes, considering divorce. There are other issues as well. If he was working full time in a low-paid non-profit job and loved it, and was otherwise happy and engaged, I'd by fine earning most of the money. But a man who sits around with nothing much to do? No thanks.[/quote]

Grow up OP, water your grass and stop lusting over other people's green grass.[/quote]

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