Reply to separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, 50/50 isn’t the standard.  Some people want it to be the standard but it simply isn’t true. Out of my circle of friends who didn’t pre-agree on their custody arrangement, the mother wound up with more for reasons like husband travels a lot. Kids need stability and going back and forth is very difficult —add to that a traveling parent, it’s a mess. Why should OP get 50/50 and constantly have to cover for her traveling ex? Why? Just so he can pay less support? Or so the kids can never know their actual schedule?
OP-don’t accept that 50/50 is the standard.[/quote]

Whether 50/50 is the default really depends on the state where you live. If a lawyer told OP that it's likely to be 50/50, I would consider that reliable. I live in a state that still prefers to have a primary parent.

My ex travels for a week every 6 weeks and we do 50/50. It works okay. She usually leaves on Sunday and comes back on a redeye on Friday. When means I cover 3 additional nights. We do a monthly schedule and sometimes we rebalance to make up for those travel days, other times I just take the extra days. That means that I might have 55% of time in a given year, but honestly it's little enough that I really don't need the courts to acknowledge that. I think it's completely reasonable to ask your ex to pay for any additional care you need during travel time, and to also have him be the lead in making those arrangements.

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I wouldn’t recommend trying to get the ex to arrange for care OP is relying on, not unless they can be really cooperative and he is reliable. And the problem is here that he travels for over a week at a time, not just three days.

I think I would try to negotiate a schedule that is 50-50 only when the ex is in town, but doesn’t provide for full “make up time” because that would be too disruptive for the kids. OP has the kids when he is gone. Child support should include daytime childcare necessary for OP and the ex to work whether or not the dad is in town, right?

Men are actually kind if motivated by appearances here, I believe. They want to say they have 50-50 or “shared custody” even if they do not.  So one strategy is to say - “Hey, let’s split custody 50-50. When you’re in town it will be 50-50. When you travel I’ll have them. When you get back we go back to 50-50.”  Chances are he’ll go for it.

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