Reply to DS is violent and I am having a hard time telling the truth about that

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Will they take him away for being violent? I don’t want that and I think I’m scared that will happen.

It’s hard because he’s never been violent at school or with other caregivers. 98% of the violence happens only with me. It’s so weird. He will be in a happy mood and excited to see me and still within minutes he becomes violent.
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[b]I know a child like this. It’s definitely being maintained by the mother’s reaction and I think could be really helped by a better behavioral intervention. 
Have you had anyone come to the home to help? [/b]

I know it’s hard but you really need to fully disclose it to the doctors. You can limit the disclosure to the ones you think need to know. Unless he’s hurting his sibling they aren’t going to call CPS.

I definitely felt the same way disclosing my DS’s worst behavior. Even now when the aggression is extremely infrequent and mild. [/quote]

Don't blame the mother for this child's aggression. Clearly he needs appropriate medication. 
[/quote]

It’s pretty fundamental that there are better and worse ways to respond to unwanted behavior. I assume the child is on medication given the mention of the psychiatrist. But the mom I know absolutely maintains the behavior by the way she reacts. What makes this different is that the behavior isn’t generalized but is directed towards one person. And this isn’t blaming the mother, obviously. [/quote]

Op here. It probably is my fault. I was following the gentle parenting/Dr. Becky/Angela Lansbury stuff long after I should have stopped. All of that stuff worked well on our firstborn who is NT. I didn’t know any other way with DS. Now with all the training I’m getting in ABA and the parenting classes, I’m seeing how physical guidance is a hugely effective and necessary tool. I really bought too much into the concept of bodily autonomy in children (I’m a SA survivor myself). I wish I’d understood the ABA frameworks sooner and learned how to be more of an enforcer. I was too flexible for too long and am having to re-learn a lot of things. It’s hard because our older DC did really well with the more flexible parenting approach and I incorrectly understood or thought that was the new consensus or what the evidence said we should be doing as parents now.[/quote]

Do not feel bad. Please share with your PCIT therapist the aggression at home and ask to prioritize it. When my DS was agressive at home, the PCIT therapist had us target that first before the traditional PCIT sequence. I could not believe it but the behavior was basically gone in a few weeks. Full disclosure it was less than you describe, but I have a lot of faith in the approach. I also highly recommend reading everything written by Dr Kazdin. [/quote]

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