Reply to Big Law spouses - give me your tips and tricks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What specifically are you struggling with? Laundry? Kid driving? Not getting couple time? ID the things that are causing you pain and use your money (hopefully he is making a lot of it!) to fix them. [/quote]

Op - thank you I think the biggest issue is the non-consistency of when he is super insanely busy and when he isn’t. So I never know when work is going to interfere with helping with the kids or vacation. [/quote]

I would plan that he is never able to help and set up your life to function in a way that is manageable for you when that is the case. If he's available, that's a bonus and you get to chill. So, assuming you have the normal house stuff and some running around after school, I'd try to get the following:

* more frequent cleaners - have them come every week.
* laundry help - could build this into the above. would your cleaners come every week, do some laundry, and change linens? or find someone who will just come and do laundry
* afterschool babysitter - DCUM says this is hard to find. I honestly haven't tried but I know people who have a high school kid come 2-3 times a week to pick kids up at the bus and get to 6pm or so. if that isn't really want you need, consider whether you can combine all three of these bullets with one person, who is more like a full-time nanny. 
* couple time - set monthly date nights that you do not miss unless there is a really good reason. pick a day (third Saturday of every month) and see if the babysitter will commit a few months out. I did this for a family with a big law dad when I was in college and it was great for all. 
* breaks for you - if he is truly never or rarely available to take all kids so you can go for a run, get a manicure, meet up with a friend, whatever, that is really not fair to you. get a babysitter to allow you breaks.

Vacation is hard. I would try to plan trips where it is not critical that he be "on" the whole time. Like if you are beach people, get a beach front house or condo. He helps you get the kids to the beach with all the stuff, then goes back to the place and works and then you get some family time in the afternoon (or not). Maybe vacation with other families.

Also think about whether in the long run this is all worth it. At what point will you cut and run if life feels unmanageable and the money is not worth the other sacrifices? What is his plan to do that? Keep the dialogue open with him on this. To that end, I would avoid golden handcuffs - don't upgrade the house, go for $50k per year a kid private school, get a crazy expensive car, etc. so that he can cut and run if you need or want to. [/quote]

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