Reply to S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?

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Reply to "S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not bothered by it but my husband has his own mental load as well, plus many things we do jointly.

My mental load:
- I buy all the kids' clothes (we have all girls, not that this really matters but I do think it makes it easier for it to be my job)
- I handle the logistics for the kids' sport (it's one I also do so again, it makes the most sense for me to do it)
- I handle grocery ordering (I keep a list and everyone writes on it and then we discuss weekly meals but I place the actual order)
- I sign the kids up for summer camps (but the ones they do involve their sport so again it makes more sense for me to do it)
- I communicate with the weekly cleaners
- I plan the parties we host
- I deal with my aging mother (my dad died years ago and I'm an only child)

My husband's mental load:
- He deals with all things outside the house (i.e. gardeners, lighting, security, maintenance)
- He deals with all HOA-related things (our HOA is insanely picky)
- He schedules the dogs' vet appointments (I wanted and love the dogs as much as he does)
- He handles everything electrical/mechanical in the house (wifi, cable, electricity, HVAC, light bulbs, etc.)
- He fixes whatever is broken inside or outside of the house (toilet clogged, leaves in gutters, broken garage door, whatever)
- He does all things trash and recycling-related (i.e. weekly pickup and disposal of large items)
- He handles everything related to the cars (except I do put my own gas in when I'm driving or charge when I get home, depending on which car I'm driving)
- He deals with everything related to his family

Our joint mental load:
- We jointly plan vacations
- We both communicate with the nanny (we have a text chain with the three of us but also two separate chains in case I'm busy with work and they need to discuss something they're not blowing up my phone)
- We jointly handle the kids' medical/dental appointments (generally the one who takes them schedules the next appointment, otherwise either one of us will take them or call to make an appointment as necessary)
- We both read and respond to school emails

We both WFH, and we make around the same amount and always have (within about $75K of each other). We both get the kids up and ready in the mornings, we both walk/play with the dogs, we both take the kids to their sport (I just handle the logistics of it with scheduling, equipment, travel, etc.), we both cook, we both clean up, we both execute party prep and hosting duties (although I do the planning).[/quote]

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