Reply to What is this feeing I experience from a memory of my mother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not even 40 and my mom told me that when I was a toddler/preschooler that dads didn't come to birthday parties. They were held in the middle of the day with kids and SAHMs present. I think she was telling me this because she didn't approve of my dh being so involved in our kids' lives. She's also jealous of my dh and felt like her place as #2/grandma was usurped by his involvement. She wanted to be the one who stayed with me in the hospital while I gave birth. Strange stuff back then. I can't believe my dad wasn't at my birthday and he didn't throw a fit about being excluded.

I'm sorry OP. I think this was just your mom being a jerk AND being a product of her time. I go to all my kids stuff, but it's also heartbreaking because there's 1-2 kids who have nobody and they often either cry (preschoolers) or are really upset about it (elementary aged). [/quote]

So what’s preventing you from putting aside the virtue signally, faux “heartbreak” and forming relationships with these families and kids so that they feel someone IS cheering them on during these events? We pinch hit at a lot at events for families who don’t have the flexibility we do, and the kid knows we are there cheering for them, and we send videos and the like to the parents. It’s a win all around. It makes our school and activities such better places - everyone has each others kid in their interests. [/quote]

Thank you so much for this, PP.  I'm a teacher mom and (ironically) I do not have the flexibility to come to most school events that occur during the day, and I often miss after school ones as well if my schedule doesn't align with my son's.

My best mom friend (who tragically died a year ago) who had a job with flexible hours that she worked from home always went out of her way to cheer for my son or made sure he noticed her at events so he always knew someone special was noticing him.  She would send me videos of him at baseball games or swim events I wasn't able to attend.   And in the rare times I was at an event that she couldn't attend, I did the same for her.

So many DCUM posters have no concept that others don't have the financial flexibility that they do.  Many of the parents of my students have jobs that are paid hourly, and if they don't work, they aren't paid.  They can't take an afternoon off for a strings concert.  That's not neglect.   It doesn't negate the sad feelings for those kids, but other parents can make such a difference in making those kids feel seen and valued.  When my son saw me next, he knew I had seen the videos my friend sent and I'd be sure to praise him or comment on them.  We can help by making connections with other parents.[/quote]

So what if it is not "neglect"? It feels like neglect to some kids, esp when they see other parents there and when their own makes them feel bad about attending. Other parents are not a substitute for their own. And while I get what you're saying, you and some others are downplaying how much this affects many kids. [/quote]

OP is not a kid anymore. She should have adult understanding of how the real world works now and have grown beyond the childish "it's not fair!" response to this childhood disappointment.[/quote]

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