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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make sure his money goes to you, now or later, and not to that woman.
The rest is just fluff, you’ll get over it! But yes I get the feeling and I am sorry. But focus on the key things. [/quote]

How does one do that?[/quote]

DP here
She can only do that if the Dad agrees.   And, given my experience with my FIL and my own father, he probably won't agree to that.[/quote]

[b]That they would not be amenable for this discussion?[/b]

I have a friend and her MiL passed away 25 years ago. FiL has been in a LT relationship for nearly 20 years. They've bought some property (he has) in both their names and it will go to her when he passes away. My friend's sibling in laws are worked up about this, but my friend and her DH are pretty chill because they know FiL can be a challenge and his partner is really caring for him as his health declines. [/quote]

Correct.   
There is no discussion beyond them saying "No."[/quote]

Do you think they have never had an expectation of leaving money to their children?

I don't remember where I read, maybe here, a poster indicating that she had set up money separately to go directly to the children if something were to ever happen to her (I'm not a lawyer so IDK the vehicles one uses). She basically said, "Look, I have a great marriage. But I also have heard enough in my parents' generation to know that there are enough times where a spouse dies, usually the wife, and there is a s second marriage where all - or the majority of - the assets go to the second spouse and their children. I work FT, I've contributed a lot of money to our combined wealth, and I want our children to receive 50% of it." [/quote]

I don't know about never, but in their later years-at least for my dad, yes.
When he was growing up his parents (specifically his dad) were pretty miserly.   They did pay for my Dad's college, but were very cheap with lots of other things.   When my grandparents died, they left a lot of money to their kids (my dad and his siblings.)
But my dad seems bitter that his dad didn't spend money on him and his siblings when they were still alive (like never gave them money for a down payment on a house.)
His feelings now are that if his parents didn't do that for him, there's no way he's going to do anything like that for his own kids---but also he doesn't want to leave us any money either.   
My mom died about a year ago and he has flat out said that he wants to get remarried so that the new wife can inherit his money so his kids won't get anything.
It's bizarre--it's not like we are spoiled ungrateful (adult) kids or anything.   [/quote]

That's sad that he is not motivated to counter his parents' conduct. I'm sorry that this is your experience.

I don't think that caring for one's parents is necessarily transactional, yet this type of labor is completely uncompensated in our economy and can come up at great emotional, financial, and physical toll for the caregivers. Does he just assume that you all will do this w/o a second thought?[/quote]

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