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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s so clear from everyone’s descriptions of their “freeloading”, “lazy” siblings that these folks are not well and mental health issues and/or developmental disabilities. [/quote]

First, it's not clear.

Second, some of us have mental health issues of our own. I have had depression since I was a teenager. Ir have ADHD. What I have -- the stable family, the career, the financial stability-- was not something I lucked into or came easily to me. It took work and grit. I'll be damned if I'm sacrificing my future, or my kids' future, for someone who received help for many years while I was left to fend for myself. I built a life for myself and it was not easy. I want to be able to help own children as no one ever helped me. Supporting my entitled BIL who has successfully browbeaten my MIL into supporting him is not an obligation I feel I have. They can sort out their dysfunctional codependence however they want, but I don't owe them anything here.[/quote]
Who said you owed them anything??
You working hard and working through your challenges is wonderful and says a lot about your grit and resilience. But exactly what does that have to do with your BIL’s situation?
I had a now deceased parent that my grandparents enabled and coddled their entire life. This parent was not their best self or best parent they could be ba cause of this on top of whatever depression/emotional issues I suspect they had.
I did not get what I “should have” but I have no bitterness. I feel sorry for them, because I realize they did not either.
We can have empathy and draw firm boundaries all at the same time.
Bitterness burns a hole in us not the other person.[/quote]

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