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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s so clear from everyone’s descriptions of their “freeloading”, “lazy” siblings that these folks are not well and mental health issues and/or developmental disabilities. [/quote]

First, it's not clear.

Second, some of us have mental health issues of our own. I have had depression since I was a teenager. Ir have ADHD. What I have -- the stable family, the career, the financial stability-- was not something I lucked into or came easily to me. It took work and grit. I'll be damned if I'm sacrificing my future, or my kids' future, for someone who received help for many years while I was left to fend for myself. I built a life for myself and it was not easy. I want to be able to help own children as no one ever helped me. Supporting my entitled BIL who has successfully browbeaten my MIL into supporting him is not an obligation I feel I have. They can sort out their dysfunctional codependence however they want, but I don't owe them anything here.[/quote]

+ infinity[/quote]

+ infinity again. I have a sibling who fits this description. My parents--particularly my dad--have obliquely asked that I, as his elder sister who has a pretty stable home life and career at the moment, ensure he is provided for when my parents are no longer able to support him. I had to make it clear that DH and I were not in a position to do that, either financially or providing living space. We have kids of our own to provide for, 529s and 401ks to fund, school tuition to pay, and a boatload of home expenses coming down the pike.

If they choose not to do anything about the codependency situation they find themselves in with my sibling, fine; it's not my business what they choose to do with their money or whom they allow to live in their home. However, I would not be stepping into that role once my folks need more care, or need to change their living situation and downsize. It ruffled some feathers, particularly with my dad, but I think the message was heard. [/quote]

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