Reply to 15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend

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Reply to "15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS attends a fairly intense private school. We have pretty open communication about friends, parties, alcohol but he knows we feel pretty strongly about that we don't approve of drug use (his dad and I both of siblings who have major drug addictions). [b]We have communicated that he'll likely try it but for him to wait as long as possible could.[/b] We know he's tried both but about 4-5 weeks ago I started to notice some unusual behavior (grades dipping, breaking out, decline in hygiene and he was particularly moody on Saturday and Sunday mornings after spending a night  with friends. I chalked it up to being up late, not sleeping well.

This morning he asked me to do something on his computer and he accidently left snapchat open. Through this, I learned that his friends are doing it every weekend. He even said, he has to stop because it makes him feel dumb and lazy. He was invited to go away for 3 nights for spring break with one of the boys families he was with this weekend but obviously that is not going to happen now. DS is upset with himself and telling us that we don't need to be worried about him but he's struggling because so many of his close friends drink or smoke weed and it's hard for him to find kids that are like him but don't do drugs or drink heavily. He's also been lying to us about none of his friends doing it. This is a whole deeper issue that we need to address.

We've always tried to take the best defense is a strong offense approach and keep him busy through sports, family, and he does have a part-time job where he works when it's not his main sport season. It's tough because we want him to have a social life outside of school and sports without feeling like he has to spend his life in the gym. what advice do you have? I just hate how young he is and can't stop thinking that weed is the gateway drug. [/quote]

I think this is a bad message. I think you needed to be very clear to him that given the addictive personalities on both sides of his family, he absolutely cannot use drugs, as he is more likely than average to develop a drug habit.

For now, he would need to not have a social life. Get him busy doing something else (volunteering maybe) that will keep him away from his teammates. Once he is allowed more freedom, I would absolutely do random drug tests. It is concerning to me that a) he cannot stand up to his friends and b) he seems to be unable to stop.

If you have contact with any of his friends' parents, I would also let them know what you found out, and that you are curtailing their social interactions until you can get a handle on it. How they respond might inform your decisions about whether these friends should be in his life at all.[/quote]

I know people are giving some well meaning advice...but if your kid attends a Big3 and your kids' friends are popular kids with bigwig / popular parents, well you might want to ask around to some trusted people if these parents are actually fine with this behavior or not.  Again, you would be surprised how many parents are fine letting their kids have parties in the basement with alcohol.

If you confront the parents expecting them to be as "outraged" as you...it will be very uncomfortable and you don't want your family to be miserable all through HS.  Sorry, but popularity and cliques are everywhere.  You have to go in with eyes wide open as to what this contact may bring about.[/quote]

I am not saying to confront the parents. I am saying that the parents should be informed. As in 'Hey, I found out my kid is smoking pot at X or Y's house, and as a result I'm putting a stop on his social activities'. You are not saying anything to them about what they should do about it, just letting them know that you're trying to get your house in order. If the parent seems interested in finding out more, was their child involved, etc. then I'd think that that friendship can be salvaged, as opposed to 'Yeah, kids these days! They all do this to take some pressure off', which would be a giant sign that their child is not going to do anything differently, any time soon. If the entire group is filled with parents that act this way, OP will have to make some decisions about whether this school is for their child.[/quote]

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