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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’re in a similar boat with my in laws OP. No luck yet, but we’ve been trying to sell them on:

Less house maintenance (I know they’re tired of constantly fixing roof leaks, replacing appliances, etc. in their generic aging 1980s McMansion that has not been updated in as many decades).

Pending health issues. MIL was recently diagnosed with a progressive disease that affects mobility. We’d rather they downsize before someone falls down the stairs.

Proximity to grandkids. How nice it would be if you could pop over for Sunday night dinner!

Walkability. We’re in a fairly dense/walkable part of NoVa. There are little cottage homes and nice condos with amenities they could buy. They could then spend their days walking to shops and Ubering to the doctors so they don’t have to worry about driving as they age.

And last (not sure they care) we remind them that someone has to downsize their house. It will either be us (we work FT and have 3 young kids) or them, the retirees. They talk about leaving us the house as if this is some huge asset, but odds are it’ll end up being liquified to help pay for eldercare. And it needs so much work it’s not going to get top dollar. We’d really rather they use up their money to have a good quality of life than let their house fall apart, risk falling, stress over maintenance, etc. in the hopes of leaving us some money (we are not hard up so the stress of their stuff isn’t worth it to us).

If anyone else finds something that works, I’ll all ears. This has been a repeat discussion for us with DH’s parents so far …[/quote]

Let old folks be. There are companies that will clear out the house, once you inherit it, you can get a contractor to spruce up the house before sale and pay out of (higher) sale proceeds. Just because you want things to be optimal for you is not a good reason to for others to bend to your will. Everyone decides based on what's valuable and important for them.[/quote]

Okay and in the interim MIL’s Parkinson’s will get worse. There is no main level bedroom. FIL will continue to take on all the stress of keeping up a giant 5 bedroom home, not to mention paying ever increasing property taxes, utilities, and maintenance costs that they complain to us about. And I sure hope at least one of them can continue to safely drive because they live in car dependent exurbia.

They are welcome to decide it is important for them to continue to live like this. They cannot expect to be saved from their own choices though.[/quote]

Are they expecting it though?

The "stress" and complaining is now old folks communicate. They want attention and they get attention by complaining, that's how their generation has been conditioned to socialize.  It's all in the eyes of the beholder, no? Whether 5 bedroom house is stressful, taxes (is there ever anyone praising the taxes, by the way? all people complain at some point about that), driving, etc.  If the state is not removing their right to drive, who are you to say that they can't?

It's true, some people fall, some people have protracted illnesses and frailty. But some people die w/o long sickness or disability. Nobody knows which one will be which. Why should parents buy into their kid's planning around their doomsday scenario and make decisions to move or sell a house based on that?[/quote]

They won't admit they're expecting it, but they are.

Having no plans = making other people your plan.[/quote]

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