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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "This is weaponized incompetence, yes? What to do about it?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So it sounds to me like you have a history of being critical and have made the fundamental mistake of choosing to both tell him what to do AND tell him how to do it. And so he has concluded it is safest to avoid the activity, and your criticism. It's not "weaponized incompetence." It's "learned helplessness" and you probably taught him. [/quote] The nutritionist and pediatrician are telling them how to feed their kid, not OP. [/quote] And him giving her a bowl of cereal IS PERFECTLY FINE. The fact that she comes and harps on here about it is very telling. She sounds really rigid and her whole mentality is "why is he such a screw up" instead of considering "what is it about MY behavior that causes him to react this way?"[/quote] No, actually, a bowl of cereal is not fine. Because dad gets to slack off and then mom has to make it up on the back end by making sure kid has to have all the nutritious meals. It’s really not OK at all. One parent gets all the shortcuts and the other parent to compensate? No way. I’m tired of this faulty line of logic. It’s like the dad who always gets the kid fast food, and everyone says “The kid is fed. What’s the big deal?” Well, the big deal is that mom spends all the time and energy making nutritious food so kid has some vitamins and minerals. Not fair for one parent to hog all the shortcuts. He’s doing it at wife’s expense, and he knows it.[/quote] Again, it's FINE. You're the one obssessed with "vitamins and minerals" and "nutritious food." There's plenty of vitamins in cereal. And most fast food is perfectly portioned with a balance of carbohydrates and fats. Obsessing about nutrition in such a way is a ticket to an eating disorder. Dad's way sounds more relaxing, which is ultimately healthier. [/quote] This is a child who ALREADY has disordered eating and is working with healthcare professionals to overcome it. The DH here is not following the medical advice for his child because he cannot be bothered. [/quote]
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