Reply to Why do many people in the DMV make advice-giving/recommending such a big part of their personality?

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Reply to "Why do many people in the DMV make advice-giving/recommending such a big part of their personality?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I love that you are making this observation, OP.  It is so so true.  I was just thinking the other day that in my social circles, all the moms are know-it-alls who give out unsolicited advice constantly while all the dads are laid back and like to act pretty clueless.  It does get exhausting at times.  I have to admit I am one of these maximizers and I try not to overdo it.  Everyone just needs to be mindful of their audience and make sure you’re not coming across as bragging or bossy![/quote]

Among the DMV parents I know, many of the dads are also insufferable know-it-alls.

The "maximizers" thing is interesting and I think is absolutely a feature of a lot of DMV personalities, but I think this is especially true with regards to parenting. It creates an intensity around kids, especially "achievement" in academics and extra-curriculars, that can take the joy out of it for parents AND kids.

It's also particularly hard to be around a maximizer parent when they are unhappy with their kid's performance or level. I know a dad who is like this and our kids do an athletic activity together. Whenever I see him at practices or games, he wants to stand around assessing the kids (who are 6 years old). And he will go on and on about how his kid has "low muscle tone" and is "naturally lazy" and that's why she's not performing well enough (even though honestly she seems about middle of the pack and also these children are SIX) and they have to decide if they are just going to focus on academics/music or get her 1:1 coaching and see if they can overcome her "deficiencies." My DH and I have to take turns fielding conversations with him because it's so unpleasant and depressing. I feel really bad for his kid, but I also feel bad for the rest of us because his intensity has an impact on everyone involved, especially since it tends to spike the anxiety of other parents who then start engaging in similarly intense, competitive behavior because they see him and don't want their kid "falling behind."[/quote]

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