Reply to Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The fact you're asking the question means YOU think it's a dealbreaker.

To a lot of people, it's not. But if this past history makes you worried he or she will cheat on you at some point... well, maybe you two are not a good match.[/quote]

Yes true. Although I'm not looking for marriage, [b]I fear I will have major trust issues and don't really want to deal with that.[/b] UGH.

Yes - it was husband who cheated. [/quote]

NP. Re: the bold -- OP, you don't just "fear you will have major trust issues," you already DO have major trust issues around this man. The fact you've even posted at all shows you have misgivings and mistrust. Don't dismiss your own feelings.

The longer you keep seeing him, the more invested you could become. Cut your losses sooner, not later. Tell him that he needs to deal with whatever led to his cheating, and wish him well in doing so--on his own. It's fine for you to say out loud to him that his track record is too close to the one in your own marriage and that is creating trust issues which are insurmountable. If he claims he's changed, or that you're punishing him for your own DH's cheating, etc., just tell him coolly that whatever the reasons, you're not comfortable dating him, and you are at a point in life where you want to date without misgivings. Then don't overthink or over-talk it and don't let him continue contact, if he tries.

TL; DR: We're too old (and sadly experienced) to mess with hot men who have cheated. The track record sucks, however great the charm. Move on. [/quote]

I always appreciate the heartfelt, genuine advice here. The biggest flag on top of the cheating is that he was only caught because she snooped on him. He didn't come forward with it, which makes it all seem even worse :([/quote]

That is bad - think about how ling he had to gaslight her before she snooped. Also, think about what it says about him as a person - she knew he would lie about it so she snooped instead of asking directly.

This guy is bad news. I would just say that you don't think you're a good fit for each other and move on.  Don't let him engage you in discussion about why, etc. [/quote]

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