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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I, a male, initiated our divorce and it was years coming and I waited until we became empty nesters and for my children to understand why, which they did. My ex was always in a state of anger and took it out on the kids first and then on me. I had plenty of time to prepare and I announced it and moved out within two days to a place I had rented. She wanted to make the divorce ugly but our kids told her I was doing the right thing and if she made it ugly they wouldn’t speak to her. There was no infidelity at least on my part, just years of frustration. That was three years ago and I’m happy and my kids live with me when they are visiting. [/quote]

Sounds like she was cheating, no?  Kids won’t usually stop talking/staying with their mother..[/quote]

I don’t think so, but I don’t really care. If you are a teenager and your mother is angry and yelling all the time wouldn’t you want out. They do speak with her now but rarely visit her. Her anger is still there. [/quote]

I applaud you, PP. My mom was like your ex but my dad never would have initiated a divorce because of his religion and probably because he just didn't feel like he had the time or energy for it. My mom asked for the divorce and everyone, including my dad, agrees that it was for the best.

And to other moms out there who yell a lot: I am 99.999% sure you aren't like my mom! I don't believe in yelling and I don't yell at my kids, but doing so doesn't automatically make you a bad mom. My mom's anger and yelling was toxic, abusive, and truly emotionally damaging. I love my mom but I really cannot believe she did what she did to her own children, and men with wives like my mom should initiate divorces. [/quote]

I don't get it. Can someone please provide examples of what this parent is doing and yelling about? and what portion of time they are yelling versus talking versus ignoring you?

Meanwhile, what is the other adult or parent in the home doing?  silent?  calling it out? egging it on?  dropping the ball?

I don't get it. I live with an aspergers child and spouse who raise their voice to "communicate" or talk over others or to avoid answering a task or questions, and I call it out each and every time. Please start over and ask in a normal volume and tone. over and over.

thanks. [/quote]

DP. What don't you get? Do you not understand that a parent can be toxic and angry as a default personality?

Examples - "WHY TF DID YOU FORGET YOUR GLOVES", "WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT - YOU LOOK LIKE A SLUT", "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE X - I WISH YOU WERE A KID LIKE X MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE DEPRESSED", "YOU ARE STUPID, YOU WILL NEVER GET INTO COLLEGE/PROGRAM/SPECIAL SOMETHING", "NO ONE WILL EVER WANT TO DATE YOU, YOU ARE SO LAME!", "YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER LIKE YOUR DAD - OBVIOUSLY YOU GOT YOUR BRAINS FROM HIS SIDE OF THE FAMILY", "WHY ARE YOU IN THE KITCHEN - YOU DON'T PAY RENT OR GROCERIES".

Should I go on? You really are either very naive or very obtuse in not understanding that some people should have never had kids to begin with but when they do - they take out all their own traumas on their own family. Ask me how I know and where those examples came from.[/quote]

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