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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]We moved from one of the more affluent (wealthy) ESs to a strong ES/MS/HS path that was more UMC and ethnically diverse. My then rising 5th grade DD fought the move, hard. A month into her new school, I asked her how it was going, and the answer was: "Mom, the kids are so much nicer here.".[/quote]

I find this part interesting.  In my experience, the wealthy tend to be fairly secure and less aggressive on a personal level (until you get to the so-rich-the-rules-don't-apply-to-me crowd, and most of those kids go to private). It's the UMC strivers that seem to feel like they have something to prove and do it by tearing down those they perceive as lesser than them to boost themselves up.  It's like a sociological study for my spouse and me as neither of us grew up in the DMV.[/quote]

Our family is only one data point. Moving from an elementary school where many kids lived in houses that were $2 million plus (10 years ago) made a huge difference in terms of finding the type of peers we wanted for our kids.  BUT, I’m sure some of the UMC kids in a high school of 2000+ were bullied.  Going after and stereotyping  an entire group like PP—be they wealthy, UMC “strivers” or FARMS/ ELL is neither helpful nor fair. And is, in fact, an example the sort of nastiness I didn’t want my kids around. Rich kids who might mock UMC “” strivers” because their  parents mock UMC “strivers”. Our upper class school had serious bullying, especially among girls. A large part of the problem is that PTA moms seemed to be running the school, instead of the administrators. Which is certainly a leadership failure. But I would never say that’s true everywhere or imply upper class kids as a group were bullies. I’m talking about the experience one family at one school.

To the poster complaining about the length of the post. Yes, I took some time on my lunch hour to cite specific examples of bullying I saw. Because bullying can take lots of forms and can be physical or psychological or even criminal, like distributing nude pics of a minor.   When we were at a wealthy public ES, I never saw or heard of physical bullying, even among boys. Instead it was more psychological bullying that established and reinforced the status of the bullies.  I think parents of ES kids should be aware of the type of things that can go on, so they can talk to and support their kid. My friend would never have dreamed that her 4th grader was being terrorized a lunch. Her kid didn’t tell her, probably because she was embarrassed.

9 year olds might shove someone on the playground when they get frustrated. But the don’t just naturally do the more sophisticated things like getting together as a group publicly— in front of a parent, with zero worry that they might get in trouble (which they didn’t) and announce for the diary every bite the less thin kids eats and announce her calories the next day. They are creating a situation where that kid can’t eat her (nutritious lunch).  They are learning it somewhere. And what really stands out, looking back, is that the worst offenders among the girls had mothers who were grown up mean girls. Then again, they did drive UMC and SPED kids out of the school. Which may have been the goal all along.

And the larger point is keep talking to your kid. No matter what their SES. You might be shocked at the crap happening at a young age. [/quote]

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